Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Randomize
