pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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