Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
