if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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