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Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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