Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
