I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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