my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
