That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
