so that wasnt chicken after all
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
