Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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