I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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