Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
even my farts smell like vagina
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
The best revenge is premature balding
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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