fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Sext me about skeletons
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