I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
