He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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