I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
