areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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