I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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