Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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