apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
