The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
