Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
