You just made me feel so damn special
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
