i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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