god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
