And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
