Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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