i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
The beer is more important than you right now.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
