Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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