I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
