Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
