We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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