im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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