For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
