last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
