she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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