You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
