I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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