Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
