My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
