and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
