Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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