Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
