after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
