One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
