his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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