why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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