His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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