Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
