remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
