If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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