People in love make me want to vomit
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
