Porn is love you can see.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
