eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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