A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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