Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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