i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Acid is not a monday night drug
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
